IT
by Malin90w
Summary: What would have happend if the call about Luka's death never had come? It's a CARBY!


_- You know we don't talk?_

_- Are we not talking now?_

_- Your mouth is moving. I mean, it gives the compression that we're having a conversation. But when you finish, I have no idea what you're thinking!_

_- I was trying to tell you about Africa..._

_-I don't know... You knew I didn't want you to go and you went anyway. Were you trying to hurt me? I..._

_- Why would I want to hurt you?_

_- I don't know... I don't know! Why would you want to hurt me?_

_- It wasn't about you._

_- Oh, come on! You weren't even going to tell me you were going. If I haven't bumped into you when you were living, I wouldn't have known._

_- I wasn't trying to hurt you. I wanted to feel like I was really doing something._

_- Did you even think about me?_

_- Yes..._

_- Okay, what did you think? What did you think? I don't know why you bothered to come back! _

_- Are you just going to walk away?_

_- Yeah!_

_- Okay, you walk away, Abby. That's what you do best._

_- Okay... Do you know what you do best? You make this all about my problems. Do you know what?! You have some problems too. You've got some really big problems!_

_- Why did I come back?!_

John and Abby avoided each other the rest of the day. As soon as they passed each other both of them looked in another direction. Everyone at the hospital saw what was going on, but no one said a word about it.

Susan did give both of them looks that seemed to say: "How childish you are!". And maybe they were, but none of them wanted to be the first to say sorry. They both were to stubborn for that.

John was sitting in the launge reading a newspaper when Susan walked in. She sat down in the other end of the table and just starred at him. He looked up from the newspaper.

- What?! He asked like he had no idea why she was starring at him like that.

But he did know why. Susan just laid her head at the side and gave him a strange look.

- Why am I going to say I'm sorry, why would I go to her first?! She was the one walking away while we were talking! Carter said and he sounded pretty upset.

- She didn't go thousands of miles away... Susan answered ironic.

- Okay, that was wrong of me, I admit it. But I've told her I'm sorry about it, what else can I do?! John now sounded both angry and sad at the same time.

Susan just raised her shoulders and walked out of the room. John sat there for a while, but he couldn't think straight. He needed some fresh air and he decided to up to the roof to think. It would usually help.

When John came up out on the roof he saw a familiar person in the other end of it. It was Abby; she was sitting in a chair looking out over the Chicago lights. She hadn't noticed him yet and he stood there for a while just watching her. Then he started to walk across the roof and she turned her head when she heard his steps.

- Hi, John said slowly and pretty quiet.

- Hi, Abby answered in the same tone as he had used.

He sat down beside her and none of them said anything for several minutes. Then John started to talk:

- Do you want it to end like this? Now? He asked and looked sadly at Abby.

- What do you mean by "it"? She asked, avoiding looking at him.

- IT! You and me, our relationship, do you want it to end like this? John said louder.

- I don't know, John! Abby said in an even louder tone and then she looked down again. I don't know what I want and I just don't know...

- Well, I don't know what you want, I only know what I want, John said trying to get her attention again. I don't want it all to end like this; I don't want it to end at all! I want to be with you!

- You're damn bad of showing it, Abby said and she sounded really hurt. You went to Africa for weeks when you knew I didn't want you to go. And if I hadn't met you outside of ER that night, I wouldn't have known where you were! You weren't even planning of telling me! And then you show up in my appartment in the middle of the night and think that everything's just going to be alright. Well, let me tell you something; that's not how life works!

Abby was now crying and she couldn't help herself, she was so angry with him.

- Abby, I... John reached out for her hand but she took it away.

- Don't! Just don't! Abby said and stood up to walk away from him.

John took her arm and wouldn't let her go.

- Abby, just listen... he started but she cut him off:

- No, you listen! I didn't know if you were dead or alive! I cried myself to sleep every night, expecting that call to come. The call that would say: "Sorry, but John Carter didn't make it, he's dead". Everytime the phone rang I jumped and I was always afraid to answer it. You have no idea how that feels! To think that you'll never see that person again, that person that you are so close to and feel so much for. You have no idea!

Abby was now crying even more and she'd screamed out those last words.

- I do know how that feels! John said. I was sitting down on my knees with a gun pointed to my head for what felt like hours. So I had the time to think! I really believed that I'd never see you again, that this was it. And I promised myself that if I survived this, I would go back home and I would live my life the best as I could as if it was the last day of my life... John paused for a second and then he continued:

- And I can't live the best life if you're not in it! So Abby, I'm so terribly sorry about everything and I'm begging you to forgive me and to give me another chance to make everything right between us. I don't want to live without you, I can't!

John was now crying too and Abby walked into his arms.

- I love you, Abby whispered into his chest.

- I love you too, John whispered back into her hair.


End file.
